G - G7 - C - D
G G7 C D
I love you like kings love queens like a gay geneticist loves designer genes
G G7 C D
I need you like New Orleans needs a drought like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out
G G7 C D
And I want you yeah like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof
G G7 C D C D G
And I want you yeah like JFK wanted a car with a roof
G C Em D
Because love is taking that dive then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
G C Em D
And love is a real life porn minus all the stuff that makes porn cool
G C Em D
And love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain
G C Em D
And finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate
G C Em D
And even though he's heart broken he can't complain because he was hungry in the first place
G - G7 - C - D
G G7 C D
Because I love you like Dora loves maps like the Pope's toilet loves holy craps
G G7 C D
I need you like a voyeur needs a branch like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland
G G7
Ranch...
C D G
And I want you yeah like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform
G7 C D C D N/C G
And I want you like Anne Frank wanted nobody to read her fucking diary
G
Because a diary is a collection of secret things that nobody's supposed to read
that's the whole point of a diary Millions of people that have breached this little girls privacy
after she was chased by Nazis - kick her while she's down
G7 C D
And if we met in ten thousand BC I was your caveman you's my cavelady
G G7
If we got hot - we'd start rubbin' if we got hungry - we'd go clubbin'
C D
There's wooly mammoths but I will protect us - you're making me devolve to a Homo Erectus
C D
And if we met in 17 I would be a white southern aristocratic plantation owner
and you were my dark-skinned servant lady slave
G G7
Whenever I could get away from the Missus I go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses
C D
But let's be serious I'd still work you full-time as a slave
There's a difference between romantic language and complete disregard for socio economic trends
C D
If it was 19 1 I was a Nazi you's a Gypsy on the run - that's a little redundant
G G7 C D
That probably wouldn't have worked out
C D G C Em D
Because love is your favorite food for every breakfast lunch and dinner
G C Em D
And love is the Holocaust - if you don't die quick and you don't get thinner
G C Em D
And love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles
G C Em D
And even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape
G C Em
now you don't want to reduce it at all 'cause if the rape rate declines
D G G7
you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales
C D G G7
Without rapists who's gonna buy your whistles
C D G
Yeah love is all about whistles