https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XROMw3Z4e0
[Chords]
EADGBe
E7 020100
Fdim7 12010X
Bm/F# 225432
G 320003
E7/G# 420100
A X02220
[Intro]
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A Adim7 E7 A
[Verse 1]
A C#7 D/F#
For years we had an aspidistra in a flower pot
Bm7 A B7 E
On the whatnot, near the 'atstand in the 'all
A E7 C#m7 F#m
It didn't seem to grow 'til one day our brother Joe
E B7 E7 B7 E
Had a notion that he'd make it strong and tall
A7 G D
So he's crossed it with an acorn from an oak tree
B7 E7
And he's planted it against the garden wall
[Bridge]
A Adim7 A A Adim7 A
It shot up like a rocket, 'til it's nearly touched the sky
A B7 E7
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world
Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm
We couldn't see the top of it, it got so bloomin' high
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world
C#m G#7 C#m
When father's had a skin full at his pub, 'The Bunch of Grapes'
C#m G#7 B7 E
He doesn't go all fighting mad and getting into scrapes
A Aaug F#7 Bm E7
No, you'll find him in his bear-skin playing Tarzan of the apes
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
Up the biggest aspi - distra in the world
[Verse 2]
A C#7 D/F# A
We have to get it watered by the local fire brigade
Bm7 A B7 E
So they put the water rates up half a crown
A E7 C#m7 F#m
The roots stuff up the drains, grow along the country lanes
E B7 E B7 E7
And they came up half a mile outside the town
A7 G D
Once we hired the Crystal Palace for an 'ot house
B7 E7 B7 E
But a jealous rival went and burnt it down
[Bridge 2]
A Adim7 A A Adim7 A
The tom cats and the moggies love to spend their evenings out
A B7 E7
Up the biggest aspidistra in the world
Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm
They all begin meowing when the buds begin to sprout
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
Up the biggest aspi - distra in the world
C#m G#7 C#m B7 E
The dogs line up for miles and miles a funny sight to see
C#m G#7 F#7 B7 E7
They sniff around for hours on end and wag their tails with glee
A Aaug F#7 Bm E7
So I've had to put a notice up to say it's not a tree
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world
[Bridge 3]
A Adim A A Adim A
It's getting worn and weary and its leaves are turning grey
A B7 E7
Its the oldest aspidistra in the world
Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm
So we water it with half a pint of Guiness every day
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
Its the stoutest aspid - istra in the world
C#m G#7 C#m B7 E
The borough council told us that we've got to chop it down
C#m G#7 F#7 B7
It interferes with aeroplanes that fly above the town
E A Aaug F#7 Bm E7
So we sold it to a wood yard for a lousy half a crown
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A A Adim7 E7 A
It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world
[Outro]
N.C.
The biggest, biggest, biggest aspidistra in the world