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Billy The Mountain
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Billy The Mountain
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A regular picturesque
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Postcardy mountain
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Residing between lovely
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Rosamond and Gorman
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With his stunning wife ETHELL,
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A tree!
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A tree!
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BILLY was a mountain
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ETHELL was a tree
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Growing off of his shoulder
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BILLY was a mountain
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(BILLY was a mountain!)
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ETHELL was a tree
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Growing off of his shoulder
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(ETHELL was a tree growing off of his shoulder)
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(hey, hey hey!)
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Billy had two big caves for eyes,
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With a cliff for a jaw that would go up 'n down,
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And whenever it did he'd puff out some dust,
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And hack up a boulder
(HACK!)
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Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK!)
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Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK! HACK!)
Up a boulder
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Now, one day, now I believe it was on a Tuesday, a man in a checkered double-knit suit drove up in a large El
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Dorado Cadillac, leased from BOB SPREEN... (where the freeways meet in Downey)
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And he laid a HUGE, BULGING ENVELOPE right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, that was right where his
'foot' was supposed to be.
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Now, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it! All those postcards he'd posed for, for ALL OF THOSE YEARS,
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and finally, now, AT LAST, his Royalties!
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Royalties!
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Royalties . . .
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Royalties!
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Royalty check is in, honey!
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Yes, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was RICH!
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Yes, and his eyeball-caves, they widened in amazement, and his jaw (which was a cliff), well it dropped thirty
feet!
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A bunch of dust puffed out! Rocks and boulders hacked up, (hack! hack!) crushing 'The LINCOLN'!
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I gave him the money
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He acted real funny
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He hocked up a rock and
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It TOTALLED my car!
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Oh, do you know any trucks
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Might be bound for THE VALLEY?
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I don't wanna stand here
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All night in this bar
(Dear Lord)
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I don't wanna stand here
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All night in this bar
(No shit!)
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I don't wanna stand here
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All night in this bar!
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By two o'clock, when the bars are already closed down, BILLY had broken 'THE BIG NEWS' to ETHELL.
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And with dust and boulders everywhere, BILLY, choked with excitement, announced . . .
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"ETHELL, we're going on a VACATION!"
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Yes, and they WERE going on a vacation! (Oh, and ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL, like every little woman,
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she of course was very excited! She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her.)
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BILLY told ETHELL they were going to . . .
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Yes! They were going to NEW YORK!
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"ETHELL, we're going to . . . New York!"
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But first they were gonna stop in LAS VEGAS . . .
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It's off to LAS VEGAS
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to check out the lounges
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Pull a few handles,
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And drink a few beers,
(Oh, ETHELL!)
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ETHELL, my darling,
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you know that I love you!
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I'm glad we could have a
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Vacation this year!
(Oh, NEET-O!)
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Glad we could have a
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Vacation this year!
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They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert . . . their voices echoing through the canyons of
your minds (POO-AAH!)
"ETHELL, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?"
(Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!
Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!)
"Ahhh! there's a HOWARD JOHNSONS! Wanna eat some CLAMS?"
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The first noteworhty piece of real estate they destroyed was EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE . . .
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And TO THIS VERY DAY, 'Wing Nuts' and Data Reduction Clerks alike, speak in reverent whispers about that
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fateful night when TEST STAND #1 and THE ROCKET SLED ITSELF . . . (We have ignition!) . . .
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got LUNCHED!
I said LUNCHED! (Lunched!) By a FAMOUS MOUNTAIN-IN and his SMALL, WOODEN WIFE.