[Verse 1]
G D7 G
We're coming, we're coming, our brave little band,
D7 G
On the right side of temperance we do take our stand.
D7 G G
We don't use tobacco because we do think
D7 G
That the people who use it are likely to drink.
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 2]
G D7 G
We never touch honey, it turns into mead,
D7 G
And stealing from insects is the worst sort of greed
D7 G G
Oh can you imagine a man with DTs
D7 G
Pursued by a swarm of mad, pink bumblebees?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 3]
G D7 G
We never use lotion when we shave our chins
D7 G
Cause osmosis lets all the alcohol in
D7 G G
Can you imagine what people will say
D7 G
When you're under the basin, osmosed for the day?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 4]
G D7 G
We never eat chocolate because it has nuts
D7 G
And the least little bite turns a girl to a slut
D7 G G
Oh can you imagine a sorrier mess
D7 G
Than a girl eating chocolate and trying to undress?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 5]
G D7 G
We never eat peaches because they ferment
D7 G
And a peach will ferment with the least little dent
D7 G G
Oh can you imagine a sorrier sight
D7 G
Than a man eating peaches until he gets tight?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 6]
G D7 G
Oh we-ee have Viceroy for the ma-an who thinks
D7 G
And we-ee have Ban for the man who stinks
D7 G G
But thinking and stinking they don't bother me
D7 G
I take care of both with Te-e-ton Tea!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 7]
G D7 G
We don't drink Coke or Pepsi, they're made from cocaine,
D7 G
And you might as well shoot it right into your vein.
D7 G G
Oh, can you imagine a sorrier bind
D7 G
Than rotting your teeth while blowing your mind.
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 8]
G D7 G
We never drop tea, cause it comes from a pot,
D7 G
And that could be evil as likely as not,
D7 G G
We don't mind the taste, but it's really bad news,
D7 G
To get busted for holding what Tom Lipton brews.
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 9]
G D7 G
We don't step on grapes because that's making wine,
D7 G
And one single stomp turns a man to a swine.
D7 G G
Can you imagine a fouler defeat,
D7 G
Than a man getting stonkered by licking his feet?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 10]
G D7 G
Shun girls who are witty and pretty and kind
D7 G
There's nothing like love for corrupting your mind.
D7 G G
At least in -our- circle it just isn't done
D7 G
Our kids are adopted; we -never- have fun.
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 11]
G D7 G
We don't buy any cereal because its called mush
D7 G
And one little bite turns a kid to a lush
D7 G G
Oh, can you imagine the pain of a Ma
D7 G
To watch little Junior act just like his Pa!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 12]
G D7 G
We don't take any rub-downs, stiff muscles to cure
D7 G
Because alcohol turns a man to a boor
D7 G G
O, can you imagine a sorrier fate:
D7 G
Than a man getting mass-aged 'till he can't stand up straight?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 13]
G D7 G
We don't allow backrubs, we think they're a crime
D7 G
We will always condemn them in song or in rhyme
D7 G G
An alcohol backrub is worse than straight gin:
D7 G
When you think of the liquor absorbed thru your skin!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 14]
G D7 G
We don't watch television because its a sin
D7 G
To exhibit the body of a nude Rin-Tin-Tin
D7 G G
And all those bad cowboys a-shooting their guns!
D7 G
And a-shooting again when they show the re-runs!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 15]
G D7 G
When you go out dining, you're tempted to eat
D7 G
All the delicacies on a menu elite
D7 G G
Remember this warning, on wine we've a ban;
D7 G
Try spaghetti and meatballs and -not- coq au vin!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 16]
G D7 G
We never drink milk, that's where kumiss comes from
D7 G
And one tiny sip makes a Mongoloid bum!
D7 G G
Oh, can you imagine a sadder disgrace
D7 G
Than a stone blind drunk Mongol with milk on his face?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 17]
G D7 G
We never touch coffee, it makes our eyes gleam
D7 G
At least, when they add irish whiskey and cream
D7 G G
Oh, can you imagine a fate so unkind
D7 G
Than slugging down coffee, and getting stone-blind?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 18]
G D7 G
Since eggnog is evil, we never eat eggs
D7 G
Give way to one sin and who knows what comes neggst?
D7 G G
There might be excuses for brandy or gin
D7 G
But who wants DTs on account of some hen?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 19]
G D7 G
We wish you'd avoid putting ice in your drink
D7 G
It harms your intestines and palate, we think
D7 G G
And if you escape that, it still isn't nice
D7 G
To wake up hung over because of bad ice!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 20]
G D7 G
We never drink water, they mix it with gin
D7 G
Just one little sip and a man starts to grin
D7 G G
Oh, can you imagine a sillier clunk
D7 G
Than a man swigging water until he's geshtunk?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 21]
G D7 G
Now if you ride railroads with bar-cars on trains
D7 G
You're giving the Devil the key to your brains
D7 G G
Think of a story that's sadder to tell
D7 G
Than to start from Grand Central and wind up in Hell!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 22]
G D7 G
We never eat jelly, they make it with wine
D7 G
And one little bite turns a man to a swine
D7 G G
Can't you envision, in Hell he will roast,
D7 G
That teen-ager drunk on his jelly and toast!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 23]
G D7 G
We never use mouthwash, we know very well
D7 G
That those who taste alcohol go straight to Hell
D7 G G
Oh, can you imagine a sorrier scene
D7 G
Than a man down in Hell 'cause he used Listerine?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 24]
G D7 G
We never eat choc'late, 'cause its just like sex
D7 G
The endorphins will make you a moral wreck
D7 G G
You'll finish the bag-full, all covered with sweat....
D7 G
And then you just -gotta- have a cigarette!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 25]
G D7 G
We don't read Science-Fiction, 'cause its too complex
D7 G
And Heinlein and Farmer just talk about sex!
D7 G G
That Lazarus Long is a Dirty Old Man
D7 G
He's a Bad Example to set for a Fan!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 26]
G D7 G
We never drink tea, for they mix it with wine
D7 G
And one little drink turns a man to a swine
D7 G G
Oh can you imagine a sorrier sight
D7 G
Than a man drinking tea, and singing all night?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 27]
G D7 G
We never use money, 'cause that's gam-bol-in'
D7 G
And that, my good friends, is surely a SIN
D7 G G
Our life may be simple, it's surely a bore
D7 G
But what else can you do when you tend to be poor?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 28]
G D7 G
We never sing folk songs, they're evil and crude
D7 G
They celebrate Sin, and their language is lewd
D7 G G
The language is shocking, the politics vile
D7 G
And their grammar and rhetoric ain't got no style!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 29]
G D7 G
When you meet a folk singer, you haven't much choice
D7 G
But to sit there and listen while they prove they have no voice
D7 G G
And the shockingest thing to imagine by far
D7 G
Is a girl with a G-string....upon her guitar!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 30]
G D7 G
We don't listen to folk songs, it isn't our dish
D7 G
We don't like Bob Kanefski, and -hate- Leslie Fish!
D7 G G
We know all the folkers will wind up in Hell
D7 G
And besides, all them folksongs have a real Fish-y smell!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 31]
G D7 G
We don't listen to Rock, 'cause it's Satan's own vice
D7 G
And the people who sing it are not very nice
D7 G G
Oh can you imagine, it fills us with dread
D7 G
Me and the Bangles all sharing a bed!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 32]
G D7 G
We don't mess with computers, they're the Devil's own thing
D7 G
And one little byte puts your mind in a sling!
D7 G G
Oh can you imagine a sorrier sight
D7 G
Than a computer-nerd taking byte after byte!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 33]
G D7 G
We don't play medieval, we think it's a cult
D7 G
They wear funny clothing; they're quite difficult.
D7 G G
Oh can you imagine a worse thing to say
D7 G
Than to say you're a member of the SCA?
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 34]
G D7 G
So drinking and eating and loving you see,
D7 G
Are bound to destroy Spi-ri-tu-al-i-ty.
D7 G G
Our tastes are austere and our virtue is sure.
D7 G
We don't have much fun, but our honor is pure.
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.
[Verse 35]
G D7 G
We're coming, we're coming, our brave little band
D7 G
On the right side of Temperance we do take our stand
D7 G G
We tug it out daily because we do think
D7 G
That once you start screwing, you're likely to drink!
[Chorus]
G
Away, away with rum, by gum,
D7 G
With rum by gum with rum, by gum.
D7 G
The song of the Temperence Union.